Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Moving In...Moving On

Hey everyone!

This is a really exciting time for me. I have just had the most amazing weekend of my life...almost :) I was leading worship at Rexdale this weekend and it went really well!! Let me try and start from the beginning...my thoughts may be all over the place:)

I have been going through some stuff lately that has been really hard to deal with. Not going to back to York has been one of them and then finding a job has been another. I made my decision to not go back to York this year because I wanted to be able to take as much time as I needed to work and get established in my new place. I just got a job as well at Gymboree at Yorkdale so that is an awesome plus!! This means I can pay rent :) That is very important!!This is a job that I will be able to enjoy! I will be selling children's clothes but at the same time I get to play with kids which is another plus! I have a really awesome manager who is a very outgoing person and I get along with her very well!!

I was at my apartment today just getting everything set up and it looks really good!!!! I'm getting really excited to be on my own. I'm scared to be on my own because there will be no one when I walk into the door but I know that will change. I

My mom took me to get a few things today at Wal-mart and that was really fun! I loved walking down all the aisles and looking at stuff! I got some pretty good deals...

I just wanted to let everyone know that you are welcome over anytime! Don't hesitate to call...I will most probably say yes to you coming over!

Thanks for listening...there is a lot more but I still have a lot to process :)

Thanks for reading :)

Ali

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

What a Failure!

These are the words that the enemy has been whispering to me so softly that I've grabbed on to them and believed them. I opened my ears to these lies and convinced myself that this was all I was. I was told things about myself that I regretted doing, but he just kept bringing them up.

So around mid-June I was looking for an apartment and didn't know where to start. I talked to my friend Sue and she pointed out a couple things to me. After searching, I finally came across a place that seemed perfect for me. I went to go check it out and this was an answer to prayer for the both of us. I move in whenever I want! :) God has been super amazing in this regard. I don't have everything I need to move in, but I know God will provide that for me. He will guide me as I leave my parent's place and make a life for myself. This is very exciting, but also sad. I will still be close enough to my parent's place so I can go or dinner sometimes :)

One thing that God has been really faithful in but I have been really blind to is how I am able to stay in university. I was recently approved for OSAP, but due to some bad grades I've been asked to withdrawl for a year from studies. Although this is a bad thing, it is also a very good thing. This will give me a chance to work and become established where I am living.

We'll see what God does in life over the next little while.
Listen to the song that is attached to this.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Work Is Hard (at home)

For a very long time now, my dad has been down my neck about getting a job and I have become very tired of hearing his voice. I just finished reading in Ephesians that fathers should not exasperate their children. I am working at daycamp now and even though I am at a job everyday he still expects me to have done something at home or made dinner or cleaned up a little. I am moving out for September for sure and it feels good to know that my parents are allowing me to do this. There is an alternate reason for me moving out. I will be a dependent student so there is no way that I will be turned down for OSAP. My parents cannot afford to put me through university so I have to trust God that he will deliver on that promise. He has called me to be in school and that is where I will stay until I am done my degree and he tells me where else I am to go.

Even though I am tired, You will fill my cup anew each and every day.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Punta Cana

I am in the Dominican Republic right now sitting in the sun as I right this. I can't help but think how amazing God is to have created such beautiful living things.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

On this beautiful day....

Hey everyone! I don't know what else to start this off with other than, OH MY GOODNESS IT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY TODAY!!! God is soooooo good. He is amazing. He is the most complex creator to have ever walked this earth. Making something so beautiful, like the sunshine that I've seen and felt today is insane! Looking out of the window, I feel like I should be outside but that is not possible right now. That brings me to what I want to talk about.

I have always felt that the grades I get in school were due to the fact that I don't work hard enough. That has been going on now for the past few years. More like 10 years. I am tired of all of this. I have been in and out of offices at York today, just getting a bunch of stuff figured out.

First, I went to class at 11:30 so that I could get my attendance mark. I need those marks. Those are the easiest marks you can get. Attendance. Then I went to the Faculty of Liberal Arts and Professional Studies. Now, I've been super worried that if I don't pass this NATS course then I won't be able to return to York University next year. This is untrue. I went and spoke with an advisor, Ryan, today and he made everything clear for me. All I have to is file a petition to get the F that I received in my English class first year to be removed from my record. He said that all I had to do was fill out the petition form and get a Course Summary evaluation form filled out by the prof and hand it in. After that has all been processed, it'll be as though that course didn't even exist. That is cleared up now.

I'm here right now sitting in the Learning Disability Program office. I have always wondered whether I have a learning disability. So I am here getting screened. It would definitely explain a lot.

That's all I can really write at the moment. I have a lot on my mind and need to go into my appointment soon.

Thanks for reading!
Alison

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Look at me now

Wow. If I told you guys the whole story of what has happened in my life over the past few weeks, I would take up so much space. I could write a book! Let's see where I get! There are a couple songs I want you to listen to. Maybe that what is going to make this one long! This will probably be another long read! If you get bored, I'm sorry in advance :)

I've had a little trouble reading God's word. I had a routine before but since I've been back at school. That has gone out the window. I thought that since I wasn't reading that God would not speak to me. Boy, was I ever wrong! He did the exact opposite!!! So I liked this guy and I had given the situation to God at the very beginning when I started to have feelings for this person. I had been hurt in the past I didn't want to be in that position again. This time was going to be different for me and I was sure of it. I wanted to make sure that I was doing the right thing by giving everything to God from the get-go. So I started to like this guy and I needed to talk to someone about it. The person I decided to talk to about it first was Layla. She has been amazing in this situation. There is one thing that she said to me that I will never forget. Something I've heard before, but just never listened to. God's timing is absolutely perfect. I know that I've heard it before but I didn't want to believe it. Layla and I were talking for a while about how God has created someone to be what you need, what He desires for you. This guy started seeing someone and I realized that the work that Jesus had done in my heart was HUGE! I wasn't hurt, upset, crying. Nothing! He (Jesus) had done something in my heart that made me go directly to Him. It's been an amazing journey. I am really enjoying my journeys with God! He has been so good to me.

Psalm 147:1

1 Praise the LORD.
How good it is to sing praises to our God,
how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

This verse came to mind when I thought of all things that I've been through. We should praise Him always, even when life seems to suck really bad :)

Look At Me Now - Kirk Franklin
Persecuted, criticized, been denied and abandoned
Pushed away, given away, some days I couldn’t imagine
Getting harder, getting colder, was hard for me to see
Tired of runnin’, tired of hurtin’, even got tired of me
Tired of cryin’, tired of tryin’ to forget my mistakes
Tired of bein’ in this storm, how much more can I take
Many nights in my life, tell me why
I shed more tears, my eyes would allow
And after all that

Look at me now!
I’m stronger this time around!
Not because I was so good, but somehow
You looked past where I was
And you knew I’d come through cause You loved me
Look at me know!
So many didn’t make it through
That’s why this heart belongs to only You!
How can I complain ‘bout the pain I went through
Cause it grew me
Look at me now!

Had no hope, had no future, even too hard to dream
No one told me, “boy, you can be whatever you want to be”
Then You saved me and You gave me reason to breathe again
Not perfect, ya’ll, but I’m gon’ run ‘til I make it to the end
(It ain’t easy when your life’s filled with wounds that won’t heal)
And you fight through the lies trying to find what’s for real
Everyone wants the prize but they can’t stand the pain
The strength I needed it came that night I cried out Your name
To my people in the struggle, all my soldiers and believers
To my survivors of Rita, Katrina and even FEMA
(All things are working together for our good)

Look at me now!
I’m stronger this time around!
Not because I was so good, but somehow
You looked past where I was
And you knew I’d come through cause You loved me
Look at me know!
So many didn’t make it through
That’s why this heart belongs to only You!
How can I complain ‘bout the pain I went through
Cause it grew me
Look at me now!

Yes, I’ve seen some hard times
Some bad choices that I’ve made fell back on me
But now it’s time to move on, move on
Can’t let my past hold down my destiny
And even though I don’t always know
Why you allow the night to last so long
But when I see the sunlight
It was only to make me strong

I’m better now! I’m closer now!
I’m thankful now! I’m happy now!
Look at me! Look at me!
I’m stronger now! I’m patient now!
I’m grateful now! I’ll praise you now!
Look at me! Look at me!

Brighter Day - Kirk Franklin
When i close my eyes and think of you
And reminisce on all the things you do
I can't imagine my life without you
It's like paradise, now i
Know that it's real (um)
It's a mystery
For someone to give their life just for me
What you did on calvary
Makes me wanna love you more

[chorus]
I never knew
I could be so happy
I never knew
I'd be so secure
Because of your love
Life has brand new meaning
It's gonna be a brighter day, brighter day

Never thought that i would smile again
I never thought the dark clouds would end
Never thought that i could have a friend
That would keep me never leave me alone
Jesus you're my everything
The only one that makes my heart sing (heart sing)
Now i know what real love means
It's everlasting, lasting

[chrous]

Nothing can compare
To the joy you bring
An everlasting love affair
Jesus my life would never be the same
I found someone who truly cares

[chorus]

Its goin to be a brighter day,brighter day,brigther day
Brighter day, brighter day, brighter day, brighter day
Brighter day, brighter day
Just say

[chorus]

Sunday, February 22, 2009

God's Love

This is going to be a really awesome read!!

So over the past few weeks I've been thinking about a LOT of things. I'm going to make a list and I'll explain all them as I go along....

1) Falling in love with Jesus again

So I was on the bus last 2 Wednesdays ago and I had just dropped my nephew off at school. I was really tired and didn't want to do anything that day. I started thinking about the desire I have to get married and share my life with someone here on Earth, then God spoke to me, right there on the bus! It was actually kind of cool/scary. I though that someone on the bus had said it. It was that clear. So I looked around and saw no one who sounded like what I just heard. I remember having that feeling in my stomach. The one that all girls know when they see that someone, they become weak at the knees. I got the butterflies in my stomach, blushing red cheeks, I couldn't stop smiling! I didn't know what had come over me until I got home. I realized that I HAD FALLEN IN LOVE WITH JESUS...AGAIN! HE said to me that I will get married soon (what is God's idea of soon? I don't know :) but I need to trust him to deliver on that promise. He is showing me what it is like to be loved so that I can share that love when he sends that person into my life. The words to the song are below. Listen to the song and read the words at the same time. This blew me away!

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.


2) What is purpose?

Purpose: the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc. (from dictionary.com). I have been thinking about what my purpose is in my life. I still don't fully know, but God is starting to stir something in my heart that I have never felt before. It is really exciting to be taken on this journey. It is also really hard because I believe I'm starting to discover what my holy discontent is. This is going to be a wild ride with God that I don't want to miss!
3) What does God's love look like in my life?

As you can tell, I've been doing a lot of thinking. That is how I do things. I have to think them through before putting them into actions. I can count many things in my life where God has laid his perfect love on me. A few of those things are my best friend Melissa, being able to go back to school, a passion for seeing youth use their gifts to glorify God. There is a lot more that can go in this section but that would take forever to type out.
4) My involvement in ministry

So a couple Sundays ago, I was thinking about what my involvement in ministry looked like. I had been thinking about this for a while (there I go...thinking again :). I am doing too much ministry-wise and need to cut down on my "list". I decided to re-evaluate what was going on in my life and cut out what needed to be cut out. I have a new priority list, and this one is from God this time!

If there is anymore, I'll just write another blog after this one! :) I'm also going to share a song with you. Click on the the title of the blog to see the video attached. That is the video. The words will be in this blog entry.

Thanks for taking the time to read!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Reflection

So this blog entry is going to be somewhat of a long one. I have encountered a lot of the past couple of months with church, school family, work and so on that you will be able to read later on. Through some of it I remember thinking that God was not there for me but that is quite the contrary. God was always there for me as I went through these joys and struggles. I have been reading this book called The One True Thing by Howard Baker. It is probably one of the books that have transformed my life. I am definitely in the middle of a life transformation right now and although some of it is painful I know that God has his best interest for me. I am treading on really uncertain ground, which is really very scary for me, and it is sometimes hard to really focus on what God has planned for me. I’ve been learning the value of Jesus in my life and after I actually evaluated that, I was shocked. There are so many things that have come in the way of Him in my life and I’ve done nothing to turn it around.

This past week was one of craziness. Now because of the kids at home or anything like that, but because Jesus made himself known in my life. I have never him like I have in the past week. For all the empty New Year’s resolutions that I have made in the past, this one trumps them all. 2009 has already been a struggle but also a great joy. I am making decisions for myself that I’ve been meaning to make for a long time. I have decided that drinking alcohol has absolutely no worth. It is something that I do not need and God has made that evident in my life. I am drinking the things that are good for my health. And that brings up another thing. I’ve had a new year’s resolution, a couple years in a row, to lose a certain amount of weight. Those went out the window. This year is my year to become healthy. I went to the doctor today and things are good to him, but to me it’s not as good as I want it to be. I am misusing the body that God has given me. I’ve been misusing it for a long time and I need to stop it. Would you treat a really awesome gift that you got from your best friend like crap? No, you wouldn’t, because it means to much to you. That is how I feel I’ve been treating myself. It is time for me to make some choices. Not only choices about my physical health but for my spiritual and emotional health as well.

It says in Philippians 3:7-9 “But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.” God will take care of the “things” for me. I do not have to worry about them. What I do have to worry about is the condition of my heart. Jesus will take me, whatever condition it is in.

There is a song that I cannot stop listening to, Hosanna by Kirk Franklin and God’s Property. Some of the words are:

The angels bow down at the thought of you
The darkness gives way to the light of you
The price that you pay gives us life brand new
Hosanna forever we worship you